I am starting to go to prostitutes is this wrong? She would still complain of pain. So our talking about this topic usually ends up in an argument or one of us so ticked off we could scream. . Dear Joan, that you would love to have *that* him back in your life. That old saying use or loose it.. So these women that men here are complaining about, it may just be the attraction towards the man is gone! Some persons who are older like us end up this way. After 35 years, I want to be with my wife more than ever, not less. This is probably not the case between a wife and husband who have lost a level of intimacy in their relationship. Somehow I thought that would be my fix. I grew up ramming into me that Im there for husbands sole desire. Even if you have something as small as a minor headache or you cut yourself while cooking, a loving wife will always be ready to pounce and get the first aid kit. That partner who ignores your tears and tender pleas do not seem to mind your needs going unmet. I am happy all the time, my hair is twice as thick as it was before, I had urge incontinence, which completely disappeared, it cut my knee joint pain in half, and best of all, I love sex again. I completely recovered and had to start my own business to share in the household expenses. The Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health published a study that found low levels of self-esteem harmed a womans sexual functions. Thats not going to make you happy in the long run!!! Been married 20 years . Im pretty much in the same boat. Be caring. Regardless of the reason your wife has pulled away from you, you must confront the situation. Her work has been featured at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere. Or make a deal with him, sounds very strong at 76. Either something happened that made her feel that way or shes lying. I am new to this. You have put up with so much bull shit it is sickening. The only relief that I get from my pain is physical pleasure. The females in my family have unusually strong sex drives. Im affectionate and do everything, but Im tired So I turn to porn and search things that include wife. And thats where I get my relief. * THE SECTION BELOW TO INSERT DYNAMIC VALUES FROM YOUR A womans lack of interest in physical intimacy can be quite an intriguing puzzle to solve. I cant do that, divorce right away. I guess my story isnt as bad as many. 3. Im just sad and trying to figure things out. I am a married woman of 69 and my husband (also 69) lost all interest in sex quite some time ago. Youre the only one here who gets the dynamic. Just arent attracted to him anymore? I will do what makes me happy because obviously no one else will. I appreciate that No outside agency or individual can fix anything yet they get their fix of adulation with tired Info. Yet she constantly professes love. You're focusing too much on just the sexual aspect of . What is the solution? Good luck to you all and hope the juices start flowing soon for those that feel deprived. Whatever the case, do your best and work with your wife to restore that spark in your marriage. Sex for men is like passing gas or eating: its just a physical thing that needs to get done. 10 years of this and going on5 years since last try, dont sleep in same be, snoring medical issues up down. She has absolutely no interest in it. . Get a better paying job so she doesnt have to work her butt off. I have tried to keep myself in shape, etc., and he is certainly in fairly good shape too. You deserve to be happy in your life as well. I think if my husband was interested in sex, even if it is too small and limp now, he would at least try to help ease my throbbing desire. But it should not stop like this as it hampering your life. My husband and I separated recently. My sexual desire just stopped. I in the same boat as your husband. LoL. When I was single it didnt bother me I just figured I was easily bored sexually. If you didnt leave before the first kid arrived, you were in for a life sentence. In recent times, our sex life has begun to resemble our early 20s again, even better because contraception is in the rearview mirror. He expects lunch and dinner to be made for him every day, He drinks beer by the gallon and he gives nothing to this marriage. })(); I always thought by the time I retired, I would have both the time and energy to truly connect sexually with my spouse without worrying about kids interrupting, getting up early for work or that sex had to be scheduled. When People Still Want Sex, but Not with Their Partners This is hard, because of my upbringing and the fact she is a wonderful person in every other way. I really miss a girlfriend I used to have who loved giving me oral sex. I was in bed for a week with complications and ended up in the ER and the doctor said given my reactions my risk for stroke is 25% higher using Testosterone but I still get told I need to think of her and give it another try. Does your wife feel seen and heard in the relationship, or is she never in the mood because she usually feels overlooked? But she is just not sexually attracted to me. Id say he has some other issues. unless you feel he is better then nothing. I spoil her all the time. We started dating in high school and never separated. I am in your same position but from the other side I am a 64 year old healthy, active man. Should I ask her what our sex future will be? etc. She has just lost interest. Shes happen because we dont have sex or have any form of intimacy. If that is not possible, it may be too late. Not many people enter their senior years wit an active sex life, some do, but not many. Lets discuss some of the most frequently asked questions related to what to do if your wife never initiates intimacy. Meanwhile. 11 Signs Your Boyfriend Isn't Interested In You Sexually Anymore "As we age, the vaginal lining becomes thinner, less elastic, and produces less moisture. so I started to do it. You both shatter into a million pieces, and when you emerge from the depths of pain for air, you find that though you are still in love with each other, nothing will ever be the same again. If the lack of interest in physical intimacy came on suddenly and caught you unawares, it is possible that your wife is involved with another person. Hey People, when a woman no longer wants sex with a man, it means she is likely not attracted to him anymore. I suppose that his stomach, which is huge, the fact that he cant really get hard, and the fact that sex takes forever are some of the reasons why I no longer want to have sex. Also, look into the idea of responsive desire and make sure you understand it. In the end, she doesnt want it and I have stopped caring. Must he provide her preferred amount of resources (which is much higher than he himself needs) while also accepting her preferred amount of sex (which is much lower than he himself needs) under the guise of equality? Most stay in the marriage because of kids and the men cheat as they should. We have been convinced to settle and accept less. Foreplay isnt just in the bedroom before sex. But wasnt it lovely when we were young and lithe and our bodies would do anything we asked of them? Hasnt been for decades. But the reason is sexual attraction. Maybe we should start a group. I just accept that I could not control it and that it is Gods will for me. Here are the 15 most probable reasons behind your wifes lack of interest in intimacy. stop insultiing cats. Once we get a savings built up, we are going to enjoy life and enjoy ourselves even more. Ive been teaching this to other young men for some time. When home I was to do whatever he wanted me to. Yes. I think it is very selfish. More men need to leave their wives when they wont have sex with them. Also, I have experienced ageism in the job market. I am really starting to think that sex was not made for pleasure, but for reproduction and when the reproductive years end for a woman, so does her desire for sex diminishes or ends and men that still have a desire, suffer in silence or become broke from a divorce and visiting prostitutes. A woman needs to hear that over and over again, or else she will think that you don't love her anymore (it's contrary to most men, who can be told a thing once and. I do most of the household chores, she doesnt work outside the home, and hasnt since weve been married i constantly compliment her looks,I have been striving for decades to woo her, and sex is now completely off the table, and she wont even cuddle or kiss. Will: I was very disturbed to read your post. Thats a depressing thought too. I have no issues with my performance and dont need ED meds. Just be sensitive to what she's going through: If she's dealing with a significant illness or painful condition, for example, it may not be appropriate to push for more sex at this time. I think in many cases a therapist is in order but if only one party wants this and the other refuses to address the problem or go to a therapist, then the stalemate will undoubtedly continue unabated until well, divorce or death, whichever comes first! And now we are old and the chance of my wife changing are now nil. Medication also he ls good to me but his hobby ls everything to him he jokes around with me we are like room This is when a person is so sensitive to touch that they try to avoid being touched by another person because of the pain it causes them. If I was better looking and could make the time to find a willing partner Id do it because sex has dwindled a lot in the last ten years. No amount of therapy, joint or individual, will fix this issue. Technology is at an amazing point for this right now. That was 20 years ago. Is there anything I can do. I love you, but I am not happy this way. She said, YOU WILL LOOK AT OTHER WOMEN?! So, your wife has told you that her ex didn't treat her that well, yet she chased him. My guess is shes been trying to rid herself of me for many years but wants me to be the one to leave so she can save face with friends and family. I am 67 and my wife is 62. Well a few years ago sex began to get less and less. Im 77 and if I felt my husband was dissatisfied with our sexless, but not loveless, marriage, Id choose to be single. She was before marriage. Does your wife feel seen and heard in the relationship, or is she never in the mood because she usually feels overlooked? Some women have no idea of how belittled this makes a man feel, and its not just a matter of getting our rocks off since we can do that ourselves. Q. Menopause and hot flashes have taken my sex life away. (Side note: why do women get to have multiple organisms?). She is 33. This is not rocket science, bro. With the help of psychotherapist Gopa Khan (Masters in Counseling Psychology, M.Ed), who specializes in marriage and family counseling, lets unravel the reasons behind why theres no intimacy in your marriage from your wife, so you can ascertain the difference between an unloving wife or one who has subliminally been trying to send you a message. Then extreme back problems thru me into disability. I love him and want to please him even if I feel nothing or just help him reach release. Just a thought. Demetria, so how old are you now? For the writer of this letter/question . Im in my 70s now and dont care any more, hes retired and works in his shop on cars mostly. We have tried everything ( I mean everything ) but nothing seems to work and Im getting desperate! What played in husband mind is that the wife do not care, do not want to have relationship, intimacy etc. Yes, we are accused of such, and rightly so quite often; but, no, we are sentient, thinking human beings. (Note to women reading this thread: though the accepted wisdom is women love big penises, Ive found in my experience that its certainly not universal. If it wasnt for this site I would had forgotten that the word sex even existed! He wanted to break the monotony in the relationship, but she simply wouldnt open up. I appreciate the fact that my wife has stayed with. I enjoy sex, but I am often fatigued and have low energy. 6. My point is, most of the sexless marriage problems are from the man not ruling. I know at times shes felt my touching was just for sex, and at times she was right. We often have no relationship with our partner outside of that shared with the children," OB/GYN Susan Hardwick-Smith, M.D., writes in her book Sexually Woke. I am a little older but want intimacy so bad. Fear Of The Wife How Real Is It For Modern Men? I desire tenderness and affection, not just an orgasm. The two C words! 16 years being married. I cook and currently renovating the home again only to hear Thats great, Now what about the bedroom?. Wednesday, August 30, 2017 If your wife thinks she may have vaginal atrophy, I hope shell see a knowledgeable doctor or pelvic floor therapist to get a diagnosis and treatment plan that can alleviate her discomfort. She told me, a man should never get jealous of his wife f ing other men. We have never had oral sex, partly because she informed me she had contracted fenital herpes from a prior relationship, but was under control. Anyway, I was so turned on by this guy (in love too)that just seeing him or us simply hugging was a major Turn-On. I dont have many helpful things to add but I am getting on with life, there is more to do than sit around wallowing in sexlessness. But my wife was not. Married 36 years, neither of us had sex with anyone including each other until our wedding night: It was tough, but my choice. You ever think about getting some on the side? Fundamentally, it comes down to 3 choices: leave, cheat, or suffer. It can be helpful to have this conversation with the help of a sexuality professional, such as a sex therapist or coach. A lack of emotional connection can make it hard for women to establish physical intimacy, even with their own life partner. You may find that your perception of the situation is extremely different than theirs . Now that I am 62 years old I can say his description of what happens is spot on. We have been Maries for 26 years. When Your Partner Says No To Sex | Psychology Today First, that every interaction will be based on trust. She saw her doctor and prescribed a lube but it irritated her. When a wife who has to cook, clean, take care of the kids, do the laundry, pick the kids up from school and take a couple of classes she is too tired to perform another task after all that she has done in one day. I understand that kids, work, and home projects can weaken your, As your wife pushes you away, you might feel tempted to use porn, but porn robs you of genuine desire for your wife. The scenario you posited is anything but. Im too tired. So Mike, I dont know what to say. He treats me like a food friend and we do get along otherwise. The therapist totally forgot about me as my wife did. Having said that, it still stinks. I feel I am too old to move on by myself, most everything in our relationship is good, but sex is very bad. No one wants to talk about it. We love each other but no sexual contact leads to a very frustrating relationship. Im 63, sexless for many years, and your essay really hit home. But. She will sit in bed on her phone though. I agree with Trish, Frustrated Daughter. 5 minutes of his time now and again isnt much to ask! You begin to see the problem. We men are so caught up in our egos . If you have gone through months or years of being patient with your wife and still arent feeling physically connected, it may be time for marital counseling. I totally understand how lingering issues in a relationship make it ridiculously hard to want to have sex. If you guys love your wives and wanna stay till death and your having problems with containment, I lost all desire because I have no testosterone so its been a God send to me. goodluck! I started seeing sex workers. The reasons behind why a wife avoids physical contact can range from marital discord to just being burned out, says Gopa. As a matter of fact, if shes not enjoying herself, I stop. Are you in a similar place in your relationship? Add to this many complications: conditioning from childhood, feeling you are being used for someone elses pleasure, not being attracted, not meeting your partner at the same emotional level. There are many causes, physical and emotional, why your wife wont have sex with you anymore. Maybe, she knows of your infidelity, but hasnt spoken about it? Yet we are burdened with the biologically and Darwinian drive to procreate. I wish I would catch my wife cheating or even semi cheating. A little flirting, some sex, and shed start pushing for a ring. and possibly evil. Resentment Colors your entire relationship gray. Does your wife struggle with self-love? 10. So now a hug one a day (maybe) and pecks on lips when leaving house. And Marley, I deeply sorry for your situation. She tricked me, I fell in love, we have 4 grown awesome me, the model relationship in our large family. I have a high libido and masterbate frequently, which I know she is aware of. 30 years in sexless marriage. As for porn, I dont mind it at all when he watches it (though he thinks I never see him), after all, we are all human and have drives and needs. You should be glad that your wife is still with you your ass would have been out the door the first time you ever tried to tell me what to do oh and by the way Ive been married 20 years and my husband has NEVER told me what to do we both have great paying jobs and are very independent I have a Daddy and he stopped telling me what to do when I was 17. Great but no sex at 69. These promises went on for three years and sex dwindled to once a week, once a month then stopped altogether. He is impotent due to hydrocele and he plans to have surgery until hes 65. Sex should be mutually inclusive. But. He has type 1 diabetes and is impotent so I can understand the no sex, but no hugs or cuddles or anything? We dont have children, and we have tried everything.therapy, books, scheduling sex, talking, crying, toys, porn. Either her body and hormones are so off that she needs the support of . The dog loves her. I miss the simple things. And when that happens, what used to turn you on about your wife wont turn you on anymore. He snores so he sleeps in his own bedroom. He has performance anxiety. You are not catering to her sexual needs, How To Survive A Sexless Marriage Without Cheating, build a successful relationship after cheating, communication exercises with your partner, 10 Things To Do When You Are Drifting Apart In Your Relationship. You know what I dont need to know the answer. Make your own porn and watch that. For others that are on the borderline of this happening: My first wife and I married when we were 21. Dang! So I cheat. He's a great dad, and a considerate husband. Rejection soon turns into resentment. My wife is an alcoholic so mood swings are often. They learn to accept the situation and carry on with life. The wife was boring and I had to follow so many rules and regulations when it came to sleeping and sex together. I certainly feel your pain and utter frustration. Is there any way I can help alleviate some of the stress she is feeling? I am 79 and my wife is 75 and our sex life is as good as ever. None the less partners have to also accept it is something you dont get used to or get over. Well -they dont. Lame! If you deny one you put a wall around the other. So, lets be clear. Nothing physical. I dont know what kind of slob you were married to, but maybe he rolled over and fell asleep because you were so boring and disinterested. Do we risk our grown children finding out and not understanding? So not. I am a 64 year old woman who has lost all interest in sex. An undiagnosed, underlying medical condition can also be the reason for a decreased sex drive. The situations here are not just issues for straight couples. Intimacy isnt about sex, its about being close in more ways than sexually. A lot of people are martyrs when it comes to sex. But this woman kept me in her heart and mind for fifty years. Aiaia!Number, address, divorce papers signed and ready to go?DANG! I would love to be greeted with a smile, a cuddle a thoughtful touch but nothing. the you. But, here we are with 13 grandchildren from the strong marriages of our 9 surviving children. Most dont ever have this figured out. We males, as the so perceived alphas in these situations, just accept and go along with the flow without ever considering the other; the what if . Youre right that its a huge, painful problem. At least you go that far to keep your marriage happy, intake, blessed. As I mentioned before, the lack of physical contact can be due to a myriad of reasons.. We celebrate the happy, imperfect love without judgment or bias, and strive to help people love more mindfully by viewing their relationship patterns from the lens of mental health and psychology. She would reluctantly use lubrication when I complained and promised to find a solution. Lets separate then.NO! Nor, is it a reasonable demand that you need (should) accept. Dont hold it against her. We love them. How can I let my wife know how sexy I find her? Here are some reasons you can try if your wife doesnt initiate intimacy with you and you want her to be intimate. Thats great but what about the man? It pains Mike and me to hear that women can suffer this way too. And cheating isnt an option either. If so, it could be that the side effects of her depression, or even the medication she is on to treat it, are lowering her libido. He is correct, the therapists want you to have hope so they can have the clients, I spent plenty on it and made numerous loving conversations. Sex is a HUGE part of a marriage, are you kidding me? Im in my 50s and after years without feeling that hardness inside me anymore, I often find myself thinking about the next 30 years without. Im 65 and he is 74. Id been wearing blinders believing shed never cheat. Of course mine wont go to a therapist no matter what so apparently the problem will persist. Do this consistently, eat a mostly protein based diet and cut out sugar for 6 months and report back. Would you expect your wife to attach as much emotional significance to cooking dinner as to making love?