They make promises, to you and your children, and when those promises are . I did offer that he gets help but of course it was nothing wrong with him. There were no offers for resources, no books or pamphlets, no direction on what to do next., I have fantastic close friends and an even better-extended family. He lied to me or left out the fact that a job that he has worked at for 24 years and that he promised he would transfer with, was unable to transfer him. During this time my Family saw the truth, because my ex husband and his girlfriend did so many cruel things. Im saying this to let you know that you are not the only one. I didnt understand it at all l would always tell him if you want to be with other people please jut let me know l do not wish to be a part of that. His ex wife cheated and moved in with the girl she met.he was very hurt and hated her he said.when she found out we had moved in she decided to move to Vegas.even more he was hurt cuz she took her kids from him.its 4 years later now and she decided to move back. I found out that my wife had been backstabbing me with everyone she was close to. Although I was half expecting it in the weeks leading up to the night we separated, the impact was greater than anything I have experienced. Forgive and love, indefinitely. They might cry a lot more often unexpectedly. I believe I have behaved exemplary throughout and my heart is broken. Hi Katelyn. Do not allow someone to ever make you feel less or wrong. I kept telling him she felt more than friendship. I took them back Monday and that was that. He wants to have a better paying job, to provide for us better, and he cant seem to do that having us here, so he is sending me, along with our daughter, and my 2 sons packing. Im starting to think he has someone else but he says not I cant believe he would do this to me so am I just being paranoid because I cant accept that he just doesnt love me anymore or is it a possibility because it seems like he has somewhere else to go I have stood with her thru the good and bad times and now that I am out of the house she treats me like Im a stranger. I feel for everyone here because the pain is so difficult to deal with. My wife left me after 7.5 years. Tell her how much you want it to work & that you can change those things. Its an interesting perspective because I dont feel like I did anything, but if you asked my husband he would say that my lack of emotion towards him and response when he says he tried to reach out to me, time and time again, is the reason that he left. Wasnt throwing out enough, I lost everything!!! Well I am two weeks over surgery and still at a wait and see state with my husband. He has no emotion or seems to even care. You can move on and start enjoying life again with your kids know that you will. I froze that moment then 6 years later I was traumatized again. With them for years but I lost everything I had and he didnt even wait at least to help me. we were so in love and always affectionate when he was home.I am just also so devestated for my son he said he isnt gonna see him anymore he doesnt wanna drag it out but my he always loved my son so much and my son doesnt even remember life without him so he is very sad. "Dogs pick up on our emotions, so if the owner has died, the dog could be responding to the grief of others," Beaver said. When my wife announced that she was leaving, I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Because sinners are selfish! My husband has decided he wants to seperate, because he needs to focus on his career. I dont know what to do anymore. He obviously had no intentions of returning. My wife left me 5 days ago and I do not know what to do with myself It can be rough to feel as if you are on your own. He doesnt seem to understand that his actions create conflict in our relationship. You have to let go of the past and move on with your life. My partner of 27 years has said hes had enough. If you do a search on the topic you will find that studies are revealing an epidemic of infidelity right now. As of now, it has left me heartbroken. and there is hope. Ive lost my best friend, majority of custody of my daughter, my family home, my values and my wife. He would attempt to hide his porn addiction by holing up in the loft in our garage when I was not home. Because of his looks people often say he's punching or ask him how he pulled me because I am a low profile runway model and I'd say I'm pretty conventionally attractive. There isnt anything you can do to change the past and make him stay with you. The self centered traits of the narcissistic parent gets worse and they seem not to care if their mask is off in the end ! Thank you all for being so brave, you have blazed a trail for me to follow. My betrayer ? So feel free to cry and scream as much as you want because its perfectly normal to hurt. I also lost my mother nine months ago. ! I can see people are very emotional and have missed that these are the top 5 reasons not the only reasons cos obviously the list could be very long if that were the case. One thing I am scared of is that my heart as sensible to all the facts as is it is not closed towards him. I kept with it as I felt so lucky to know someone so unique and incredibly desirable. You may click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. Well, self-esteem is highly important in any relationship. As for me, i dont want to be in the same time zone as my estranged wife And when the kids are both out of the house, I fully intend to leave the continent. But, at the same time I have been for so many years, and still am, the focus of so much of her hate, scorn, and malice I really dont want live with that type of negativity one more day than I have to I am not a therapist. He was two weeks into an emotional affair, and he says, wanted to do the right thing by not cheating on me. I resented my husband a lot during this time. I could never disapline them. The whole that used to be my heart was devastated. He made me quit my job because he said it didnt leave us with enough time to spend together and we bought a new car made me get rid of mine. We have had plenty of problems since we had kids together but we were both Farley young when this happened so that could be the problem. We talked it over and he told me all the things I was doing wrong to make him unhappy I aired a few of my worried and decided actually nobody wanted to leave and we would put the year behind us and take it month by month and try to get back to the happy place we were in before the last year. Im beyond hurt that she didnt talk to me beforehand about any issues, knowing I would have listened and helped to the best of my ability. About a month ago, I separated from him because I did not feel like he actually loved me. We all do. How can this possibly be dealt with? My wife is 34. I got back with him. please advice me what to do. Is Your Relationship Making You Sick? - Mental Help I agree with this article, but the hardest one is this. Ive never heard or read this suggested, but according to my own experience and analysis of it, I think it may have merit. I didnt take money from the family to buy stuff for myself, I didnt spend a bunch of our money on pain pills and lose my job while my wife was five months pregnant, I didnt cheat, I didnt constantly lie about everything. Do not let what God has put together be destroyed by a man/woman or their actions. Im sure his new single bachelor life is more appealing then doing household work chores, and Being a husband and a dad every day. If you didnt it wouldnt be human. She was a part of his life in the past but my kids and I are his present and future. She doesnt cook (not in 20 years I have known her, not a joke either), does not clean (although has started making some effort in this area) but is simply heartless to them. This is also the second time he has done this the last time wasnt quite as brutal I dont think he was still super cold and mean to me but there was a rocky relationship leading into it so it wasnt overly surprising it lasted abiut a month and half before he came crawling back. Despite this he kept seeing me but would say we have to keep it casual so u can cope. Call him in a mistake made, water under the bridge. In shock I could barely breath I was on the floor shaking and he did nothing. GoodTherapy | Top 5 Reasons a Partner Leaves (and How to Cope) She ruined mothers day after I bought her gifts and took her out. He was my rock. I cant believe the hell youre going through. She was a successful model, creative director of her own clothing line, a television host, lecturer, and mother of a beautiful baby girl. Samantha is 30 years old, looks 3 years younger. everyday i see her in college she will be busy with someother boys so kindly assist me, how to move on without her. Great resource for those hurting, and I mean real hurting. Js. I think he is waiting to see about this house he is looking at. She walked out about a week ago and she always leaves and never tells me what I have done wrong and she never tried to work through things. Tonight while in bed at my place we had an argument. he left his family for another women who is 25 and pregnant now, she has a daughter that she lost custody of because of drugs and he is now doing drugs. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Right now you need to make the correct decisions for you and only you. The truth is if it is important to you, it should be important to him. Read more inspiring stories of single moms: At 7 months pregnant, I found messages online to a dozen women, telling them he hated me, wished I was dead. I heard the words, She has characteristics of Down syndrome. But then, I saw my daughter with her big marble colored eyes and blonde hair. As hard as it is, I do. We started dating at 17 and married at 25. You might feel like youre on an island all by yourself, but thats not true. Move on and dont look back you deserve better then that some times broken glass need to stay broke dont try to fix it sweep it up and throw it away GOD is gonna put your soul mate right in front of you bless you and Carrie on you dont need that to be in contact in front of your children.its her lost dont take her back eitherthen she win. Just wondering how you are getting ready to visit your parents And getting ready for Thanksgiving. She has not even called to see how our son is doing and its been 10 days. You can also visit her website Mint Movement here. Then one night he did not come home until 5:30am. My ex knew the lawyers and judges, actually they knew me too, which makes it even more egregious. Instead she has communicated with anothr man things hav developed. I suspect someone else has caught his attention. So I do understand what I am going through and why. He wants to separate all our assets already and wants all the momentos in our house. I feel completely invisible in my own home. No they will not. You think I wanna sit and have thanksgiving dinner with you? I am starting to realize no matter how many of her fav mags I buy her or if I bring her flowers or chocolate cupcakes for treats constantly, she will barely even notice let alone understand how hard it is for me to choke it back and make that kind of effort again. I thought we had a happy life but apparently I did not have a happy wife.she never told me anything, never discussed it or mentioned it. You will recover and you will be loved xxx, Hi, Our marriage had had its problems but we were so strong we had overcome everything. I have lost my appetite I dont know what to do, pls any advice will be very helpful Glantz MJ, et al. Just move through it, let your emotions flow freely, and dont let anyone make you feel like less of a person for feeling this way. I'm not lonely or struggling with my daily tasks. To which I protested and she got off the phone with me. She tells me that she hasnt cheated on me even tho I have my doubts. She saw no reason to be together and attempted no solution to work it out. After months and months of lies raising our daughter alone and pregnant I have birth to our son while in labor I drove myself to the hospital after my water broke he was in and out of the room on his phone texting talking etc well that very night I had my beautiful baby he was holding him while his guy friend came to visit well his phone went off and thats when I found out with my own eyes he had been lying and was with another girl. Trust me. I just dont understand why she would lie to me after all the love weve shared all this time. Please open up and share so others can help you. From the very first dose, I felt the pain step down and every day afterward, it became less, until, in a short time, it was gone. That which works against you actualy works for you. He said that over the years we relied too much on each other and have nothing to show for it. Hi Robert! Hey there. She will not even contact my son, my god, what has he done wrong. By the way Don how do you meet people on line? Love is blind, but Im not so blind any more. Its time to accept that forgiveness and love dont have corners or boundaries. Ill never forget the date. Now our oldest daughter is living with her across town and trying to make sure she doesnt do herself too much harm drinking herself unconsciousness (appears wine is no longer evil) or otherwise. I am breaking apart because I am getting the divorce process in place but I love my wife. I invite you to read 'Paul's' story (not his real name). Everyone can relate when I say, every day is a new day with kids. I received my divorce and was devastated by my helpless circumstance. Im having problems inmy marriage righy now. A relationship is made of two people that are ready and willing to be a team. I lost it! My husband told me he's not happy- please help! And she told me everything. He gives away our clothes and the kids toys while i am at work, saying that we have to much. Its awful to feel rejected. She is smart and healthy. In thinking about it, I realized that my pain was like a SEIZURE of sorts a *continuous* seizure (the neurologist agreed with my assessment); a signal to my brain that wouldnt turn off. But if your husband start to eliminate these things from the marriage then that could be a sign that he's unhappy too. My husbanda and u got married at a very young age, I was 20 and he was 23. My bf of 4 years we lived together pretty much the whole time with my now 6 yr old son 2 when he met him. This is one of the best articles Iv read on goodtherapy so far. But Ive never really been able to trust him and while he says this time theres no one else and this time its about us not being able to live together and his miserable I make him and have pushed him away, a week after he left I saw him with another woman. Completely unaware of what had transpired I was thinking we really needed to talk. Now he is living with his parents. I dont think he was doing anything but chatting to this girl, but still it someone triggered his desire to be unburdened from the responsibility of having a family (we have 3 children). Well, a year and a half ago he announced he needed a separation for 30-days and walked out on us in the middle of the night. The hardest thing for me is to sleep alone. I dont know how youre not happy when Ive given you everything in the world I dont think youll ever realize what kind of devastation caused our family. I am now literally in a living hell. I did not seek another relationship because I honoured my commitments and the Lord but in 2016 my husband finally disclosed that he was suffering from Cancer. How do You recover or get over something like this??? If you need help finding a therapist, you are welcome to call us. Be found at the exact moment they are searching. ..u have given me strength. Kind regards, The GoodTherapy Team, It is a real shame that my ex wife turned out to be a real filthy low life, since at that time that i was married which i was the very faithful and committed one in the relationship. I found out she already had a rental before she even told me. Even if your spouse returns, the relationship as you know it may have changed, and its OK to express grief: Youre grieving the loss of this relationship, what it meant to you, and the role this person played in your life, says Garcia. You must focus con your future and your kids and let your ex wife go right now. So it is tough to swallow. I want move out of state or go back to my country but, i also have a little hope that in a few months she will change her mind Its so hard because I love him and I am trying my best to keep my family together. From the Spouse of a Narcissist: Here's What You Need to Know Instead of moving on and doing whats best for themselves, they take out all their anger and sadness on anyone who will listen to them. A couple days after New Years she finally agrees to let me come grab a garbage bag of clothes. I guess I still love her as pathetic as that sounds. This lifestyle caused me great shame and guilt and I could never understand why I didnt fit in anywhere. My heart goes out to you and I wrote this in hopes to give you faith that just as well as evil there is still good. You could find a counselor online, most insurances cover it. I lived in a very small town and very remote area in California. My husband left me because he was unhappy in our (mostly) sexless marriage. However we were married 7 years together for 16, and 3 kids My husband found someone 11 years younger and left me 8 weeks after meeting her!! While we did argue I didnt see this coming. I am completely devastated, I love her so much, and we have two children together. forgiveness and love unconditionally, but when you are the only one keeping the commandments it is hard. Everyone says time. "I don't like your hair that way." "You shouldn't have . He apologized but, i know that he meant it. I borrowed the money for the lawyer from somebody else.he paid all the bills. Last medically reviewed on October 20, 2022. he gave all these other reasons but they were just excuses for the facts.. thus was about a month ago now. My husband left me and I am wondering how you are feeling? The older teen will be an adult in just over a year and I am hoping her role as caregiver does not distract her from studies or delay college. Ive not coped at all Was in hospital for 5 days and am trying my best to eat and drink which feels pointless. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how Dr.Mack have helped a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell . That is the latest science. You may never get the answer you are looking for from your partner, but there are several common reasons why someone leaves a relationship. She went to her mothers. As the weeks turn into Month I am beginnning to think it was for the best. Please help me with the divorce decision please. "You're being ridiculous.". Cant stop crying and hate being alone for even 1 hour. Thats her me time and its insulting I dare ask that. This I also discovered. I truly dont know what to do. Your story is so touching. I said no to moving out because a) I sole own the house and sole was paying the mortgage and B) I thought her behaviour was erratic and odd for the months leading up to her moving out plus I was getting fed up of rolling over to her whims. Thanks Jersey girl. Time and time again I would say things that she would take hurtful or mean. And be careful the dog isn't simply responding to the reactions of other people in the home. Either way Im totally broken, unable to cope and cannot see a way ahead. I write about the intersection of life and love: how spirituality has changed my relationships, what I do to cultivate love in my life, and why I believe that all relationships are spiritual. So sad .. Hi Susan how is your leg? I dont know how to handle this situation. Over the Xmas period she started to become distant, but I put it primarily down to the fact that her grandad, who shes very close to, is now in a home with Alzheimers and it would be her first Xmas without him. Research watch for the signs and never settle for anything less than you deserve. As woman we can try so hard and bend over backwards. Do you talk to her parents? all by yourself. "It's impossible to please you.". Please. Her own mother confronted her and gave her 2 days to tell me. And it may never happen. I will never get over this, I am hurting so much. What I learned when my wife left - Focus on the Family Well, back story. You can thank societies changing attitude towards sex with social media being one of the cheaters biggest tools as well as sites like ashley madison.com.rates are as high as up to 70 percent infidelity for women and 80 percent for men. We even looked at engagement rings. We told her, No, we havent noticed. She simply said, Well, he does, and walked straight out of the room. She isnt in love with me anymore. Im not happy being left out. This whole situation is crazy. Shes shortsided. Its like he wants to keep me down. My son just walked around crying this whole time. And if you cant forgive him, it might be time for you to walk away from this relationship completely because this isnt a good place for anyone to be in. So youre probably right, 19 years from -now 21 for me, we probably will never know. Subscribe me to the GoodTherapy.org public newsletter. My counselor(s), have said he is a sick person. Copyright 2007 - 2023 GoodTherapy, LLC. Now grab that bull by its horns and take a stand!!! Well I was very scared and in a state of nervousness myself. I just dont know if I should let her go and TRY to move on or keep fighting for her. Why Won't He File For Divorce? 5 Reasons Why He Won't Leave - YourTango You actually grow new neurological pathways for pain. About 8 years in we had a son forcing us to live with her parents on a temp basis (a year!!) I take the kids every weekend. Living is not living unless you are truly living, being respected and happy. Well one month into my overseas job that was just for 18 monthsshe told me she was leaving me after the financing on the new house fell through. My husband of 15 years, announced 6 weeks ago that he was unhappy. 10 year rule as a military spouse. I guess theres a lot of money being made in the divorce and recovery business encouraging people like my ex wife to wreck our families. No matter how much you hated your husband for leaving you, the fact is, he still loves you. Give your kids a Merry Christmas and an amazing role model for the new year. It's super-common for people who are hurting to believe the relationship may not be done, that this is a temporary phase and that . I feel so betrayed, devastated and its really painful to me. I was with someone for 24 years hard-working man entry bands and we went distance are both ways we were living like roommates after while he left me once it records me to claim bankruptcy then he left me October 22 for married woman he was trying to have a relationship it ended in March hes heartbroken he wrote a nasty letter to me pieces he wants out the relationship hes not love with me but he loves me Im going through psychotherapy Lost a lot of weight and I love him I figured keeping away and not pushing him its okay according to the cycle therapist dont know what to do at this point charge when youre 69 and someone leaves you like this I did everything for him that he became a liar and sneak and a cheater so was told by the clairvoyant dont now well I can do is sit back and told him if you want me to come to the band you call me up its eight months hes gone but only two munchies over that girl now it goes online and he looks for women even looked at my webpage I blocked them I think hes doing this to spite me to show we can look for somebody else all he wants is companion to cook for him do his clothes and clean his house Im never find it all I can do is take a day at a time. Im lost Im hurt and Ive cried all day. I felt like my world was ending and their was nothing I can do to cope with the harsh reality of what just occurred. Please take heart in that. I found this searching for some advice. Im not saying to use self-help books as a magic pill that will solve all your problems. Love hurts. I need some feed back on how to deal with this.Please help me.Give me some Ideas. You know in your heart this is totally unacceptable behavior. If youre looking for a counselor that practices a specific type of therapy, or who deals with specific concerns, you can make an advanced search by clicking here: https://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html. They went thru my things and took things my mother gave me, when I finally was able to get what was left of my things they out garbage, household garbage, condoms, sex stuff in my things. Leaving Marriage Because God Wants Me to Be Happy I looked everywhere and i sat outside of the area for a long time. help me please. Im going to make what might seem a peculiar suggestion, for the sake of those who cannot get over something like this. They are just girls. We both have busy jobs and he works away Mon- Fri. 7 months later the oldest child wouldnt give up on me and finally broke through to her mom that she needed me. Unlike bipolar or schizophrenia, a personality disorder is NOT a chemical imbalance! A letter to my husband, who simply stopped loving me Next Monday comes and she again asks me to be there every night after work to do all the work and begins to belittle me when I start to question whats going on, she would often tell me I didnt care about the children if I didnt want to be there but by now its getting hard, real hard. I served honorably for 27 years in the Army, receiving the highest peacetime award for my service. I may not even want him back after all. She told our three kids she was leaving before I got back from extended combat training at joint base dix. I believe it is due to her sickness as we were two peas in a pod for the last 19 years. We now have a new and our 5th counselor. He ended up walking past me and got in our car and left. My job prevented me from being at 4 treatments. "No!". 7 Things You Should Never Expect From a Narcissistic Husband I dont know how you move 25 miles away from your son, my daughter left for college this year. Jackie I feel your pain as you know my situation. My wife left me in October after 6 years Im dealing with my in-laws involved the failure of our marriage has been all shifted on me my wife has changed her cell all kinds of madness, I try to get it out as much as I can its tuff I have the bills kids everything to deal with, How lucky ur wife is to be much loved by youi wish i am that person..:(, My husband had never showed me love from the very begginning. Their best advice was for me to just get pregnant., My husband left me after going into a depression. When he left me, my mother was furious . my wife of 25 years had a facebook affair with a strange man from the UK she had this affair online for eight months.and they met only 10 month after his wife died. It was a mess As I always did I cooked cleaned laundry took care of kids was involved etc . My take, my experience, the one who cheated and left wasnt as committed That will never happen. This has seemed to stifle his attacks on me for being at fault for his unhappy life. He is helpful, and proper, and considerate, and all of the communication between my lawyer and him, and paying everything early and is mister proper. Two days later I went and begged for another chance.she said yes and we spent what I thought was a day filled with renewed spirit, touching holding talking. When my kids are with me im fine but when they leave to go home it takes me at least an hour to get my head straight. I feel so alone, so forgotten, and it some respects even used a little. "It's going decently well. Keeping that balance would lessen the likelihood of the above 5 reasons, or other reasons like it being too much work, from occurring . We talked and decided to give it another try things were great at first l felt like a queen. Hope youre finding a healthy way to pass the time and keep it great for you. My Husband Left Me After Nine Years And Will Not Talk To Me